Baseball Gets Attacked by Vomit…Story at 11…
I have a problem. My nose can already detect the smells of the ballpark concourse despite Mother Nature continuing to pile snow on us. The first spring training games are but a week away and the scents of peanuts, popcorn and hot dogs are teasing my nose. Wait, what is that other smell? Chili mac tacos? Chocolate-covered bacon? What the heck? Apparently I’m not the only one with a problem. Fifth Third Ballpark in Grand Rapids, MI (home of the Class A West Michigan Whitecaps) also has a problem.
Already home to a four pound, 4,800 calorie burger, the oinkers at Fifth Third Ballpark have decided to come up with a new food item for 2010. Because all their ideas are equally gross, they have decided to use their lifeline and are polling the audience. I understand that some people need gimmicks to go watch a baseball game, but this has hit a new low.
I can hear chubby little Tommy now, “hey Dad, can we go get another Twinkie cheese dog?” …and we wonder why so many people are fat.
The options include: chicken and waffles smothered in gravy (yack); the aforementioned chili mac tacos (mac & cheese combined with chili in a taco shell); chocolate-covered bacon (really? puke); a half pound corn dog (vom); a sandwich containing a sausage patty, pizza sauce, cheese, peppers & onions (the most normal of the bunch, but I still just lost my lunch on my keyboard); a foot long hot dog covered in Philly cheesesteak, peppers and onions (dry heave); a hot dog dipped in batter and covered in fries (hurl); a combination of fries, fried cheese curds and gravy (there goes breakfast); a hot dog bun topped with icing, cotton candy and root beer syrup (upchuck…and multiple cavities); and finally, I wasn’t joking when I said the Twinkie cheese dog – a hot dog laid in a Twinkie and covered in cheese.
Heck, I just want a hot dog with mustard…maybe some relish and onions. The Whitecaps’ marketing people should be fired. No, first they should be forced to eat every one of these items and then be fired. This is a monstrosity.
In the words of the ladies’ man, Leon Phelps, “yeth, that ith dithguthting”.
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I've actually had the fries covered in cheese curds and gravy. It's not turribah(Barkley). They sell it at McDonalds in Canada.
The rest of it just made me grab my butt and run to the bathroom.
lose the waffles and add some rice and im game
fries covered in cheese and gravy is called poutine and it is a delicous canadian dish
all of those sound awesome actually. the fries are from our neighbors to the north. the chicken and waffles is traditional soul food and makes a great breakfast. the corn dog is just a large corn dog, dont see how that will make anyone sick. most of it is really fattening, but i dont see what will cause any of it to be considered sickening unless you have a pre-teen girls stomache……
don't be such a pansy those all sound awesome.
Move over eggs, bacon just got a new best friend! Mmmmmmmmmm, chocolate covered bacon.
It's called Poutine: (fries, cheese curds and gravy)and it tastes a lot better than it sounds.
Fries and gravy alone is also a regional American item. People used to order it often in a NJ diner I used to work at.
I have had the bacon and chocolate candy bar and it's good. I love both items. (It's not a chocolate covered piece of bacon, it's bits of bacon in a chocolate bar.
okay some of those i've heard of and although i find them gross, i understand a couple of them are regional cuisine and a few are just supersized "normal" ballpark food items. i'll let those ones go.
as for the rest…what?? did they poll every 10 year old in grand rapids to find out what their perfect meal would be if mom and dad had no say? i mean, come on, a hot dog bun topped with icing, cotton candy, and root beer syrup?? sounds more like something Buddy the Elf would have eaten (recall pouring syrup over everything, including spaghetti)—great movie btw.
Cheese curds? More like cheese turds.
Bacon and chocolate ROCK together. The best selling dessert in my white-tablecloth restaurant for six months was the smoked bacon-wrapped fudge brownie with espresso ice cream. Awesome with a glass of port!
ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Poutine is delicious
Famous Dave's sold chocolate covered bacon at the MN state fair this year and it was awesome. Don't knock it till you try it.
Chicken and waffles taste a million times better with maple syrup. One of my best friends went to USC so we used to hit up Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles when I would visit. May sound crazy but it is some deliciously good shit.
Seriously. What do you expect from ball park food? If you want steamed lentils in tofu-infused miso sauce, go to Whole Foods. Man-up and eat some poutine!
You sound like a culinary/dietary wuss. If you don't like it stick with you diet soda, and salted peanuts. I have had bacon covered with chocolate it is actually a good combination of sweet and savory.
Anonymous is very passionate about his disguisting food.
Hey "Anonymous," if you're going to call people names, at least have the 'nads to use your name!
Since you didn't…you're the WUSS !!!
Yea, suck it Anonymous
From a different anonymous…isn't the point that the real crime here is they're taking a tradition and turning it into the Texas State Fair?
It's not about wanting to eat healthy at a ballgame, never has been, never will be, but do we really need to be teaching children at the ripe old age of 6yrs old, that when you go to a ballgame it's normal to consume 1000 calories on a single food item? Get real.
p.s. those food items are sickening (literally) and I don't care what regions they're from.
When I took my kids to the ballgame, we had one rule – You could eat whatever you wanted…that's one reason they liked going to ballgames. At 5 or 6 years old they would have already been to smart to eat some of this gimmicky trash.
Still no name "Anonymous" ?
YOU WUSS !!
Considering the past tense of your statement Donnie, I imagine that your children are no longer children and letting your kids eat whatever didn't include all of the nonsense.
Seriously people, chalking it up to GOOD TIMES=EAT STUFF THAT'S TERRIBLE FOR YOU is part of the reason the percentage of obese Americans is so high.
Anyone that let's their young child eat a hot dog bun with icing, cotton candy, and root beer syrup, may as well run right over to K-MART for some husky jeans, b/c they'll be wearing them in no time.
K-Mart? Really?