College Basketball’s Best Names – 2011-12 Edition
Last year, we brought you the 2010 edition. This year, we have mix of repeat winners and newbies (and that doesn’t include Jabs Newby of Eastern Kentucky). There are some nice names in the big conferences, but it takes some digging to find the real gems at the schools that don’t sniff the Top 25. These names don’t need Chris Berman’s cheesiness to make them stand out. They’re top notch on their own.
We bring you the Top 25 names of the 2011-12 college basketball season.
25. Shayok Shayok – forward, Bradley – I wonder if Shayok Shayok has the bling bling.
24. Kiwi Gardner – guard, Providence – I guess Kiwi is better than strawberry or pomegranate.
23. Jordair Jett – guard, Saint Louis – When you have the last name Jett, it’s only natural to include air in your child’s first name, isn’t it? Isn’t it?
22. Staats Battle – guard, North Carolina State – This kid has the ability to put up some numbers stats.
21. Lucky Jones – swingman, Robert Morris – It’s better than the alternative.
20. Sam Mike – forward, Georgia Southern – His father had to have been a linebacker. It’s short for Strongside Middle.
19. Ella Ellis – guard, Army – He can stand under Rihanna’s umbrella, ella, ellis, ay, ay ay…
18. Shay Shine – guard, High Point – Good for his folks not naming him Richard or William.
17. Brian Bryant – guard, Mississippi State – Good for his folks not naming him Richard or William.
16. Jay Wey – guard, San Francisco – Good for his folks not naming him Richard or William.
15. Aru Kok – center, USC Upstate – I’m not touching this one.
14. Pierre Mopo – forward, Tennessee-Martin – The Skyhawk equipment manager owes us all a spelling error on the back of Pierre’s jersey.
13. Pe’Shon Howard – guard, Maryland – This takes me back to the handshake between Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff – PSSH!
12. Fab Melo – center, Syracuse – Only averaging seven points, he’s been more Melo than Fab.
11. Deuce Bello – guard, Baylor – If I have the first pick in a pick-up game, I’m taking a Deuce.
10. Pi’i Minns – guard, Hawaii – His given first name is Carl. I kid you not.
9. Ife Eke – forward, Louisiana-Monroe – I was iffy on whether to include Ife on this list.
8. Drake U’u – guard, Cal Poly – The fans and the hecklers can chant the same thing and nobody knows the difference – “you, you, you, you!”
7. Steve Tcheingang – forward, Vanderbilt – That’s the sound of a man, working on a chain…gaaang!
6. Bak Bak – forward, Cal – If Bak Bak and Albert Pujols switched places, Chris Berman would have a field day in the home run derby.
5. Bubu Palo – guard, Iowa State – On an off night, you could say he’s playing like crap Bubu.
4. Hippolyte Tsafack – forward, Memphis – A hippo on a diet? Shoot, I don’t know.
3. De’End Parker – guard, UCLA – With only two left, we’re almost to De’End.
2. Nimrod Hilliard IV – guard, South Dakota – This is just a stupid name.
1. God’sgift Achiuwa – forward, St. John’s – Wait a second, I thought he played quarterback for the Broncos.
24. Kiwi Gardner – guard, Providence – I guess Kiwi is better than strawberry or pomegranate.
23. Jordair Jett – guard, Saint Louis – When you have the last name Jett, it’s only natural to include air in your child’s first name, isn’t it? Isn’t it?
22. Staats Battle – guard, North Carolina State – This kid has the ability to put up some numbers stats.
21. Lucky Jones – swingman, Robert Morris – It’s better than the alternative.
20. Sam Mike – forward, Georgia Southern – His father had to have been a linebacker. It’s short for Strongside Middle.
19. Ella Ellis – guard, Army – He can stand under Rihanna’s umbrella, ella, ellis, ay, ay ay…
18. Shay Shine – guard, High Point – Good for his folks not naming him Richard or William.
17. Brian Bryant – guard, Mississippi State – Good for his folks not naming him Richard or William.
16. Jay Wey – guard, San Francisco – Good for his folks not naming him Richard or William.
15. Aru Kok – center, USC Upstate – I’m not touching this one.
14. Pierre Mopo – forward, Tennessee-Martin – The Skyhawk equipment manager owes us all a spelling error on the back of Pierre’s jersey.
13. Pe’Shon Howard – guard, Maryland – This takes me back to the handshake between Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff – PSSH!
12. Fab Melo – center, Syracuse – Only averaging seven points, he’s been more Melo than Fab.
11. Deuce Bello – guard, Baylor – If I have the first pick in a pick-up game, I’m taking a Deuce.
10. Pi’i Minns – guard, Hawaii – His given first name is Carl. I kid you not.
9. Ife Eke – forward, Louisiana-Monroe – I was iffy on whether to include Ife on this list.
8. Drake U’u – guard, Cal Poly – The fans and the hecklers can chant the same thing and nobody knows the difference – “you, you, you, you!”
7. Steve Tcheingang – forward, Vanderbilt – That’s the sound of a man, working on a chain…gaaang!
6. Bak Bak – forward, Cal – If Bak Bak and Albert Pujols switched places, Chris Berman would have a field day in the home run derby.
5. Bubu Palo – guard, Iowa State – On an off night, you could say he’s playing like crap Bubu.
4. Hippolyte Tsafack – forward, Memphis – A hippo on a diet? Shoot, I don’t know.
3. De’End Parker – guard, UCLA – With only two left, we’re almost to De’End.
2. Nimrod Hilliard IV – guard, South Dakota – This is just a stupid name.
1. God’sgift Achiuwa – forward, St. John’s – Wait a second, I thought he played quarterback for the Broncos.
Category: College Hoops, Funny, Hoops, Lists
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nnanna egwu
Nnanna Egwu just missed the Top 25. He was 26 or 27.
Glad to see you got STAATS BATTLE on the list. Funny thing is he's a white boy North Carolina native.
I love his parents
Sir'Dominic Pointer from St. John's didn't make it?
Da'End was named for just that –you his father decided he would be the last child !!!
How about Gods'Gift from SJU ???
You mean #1 on this list?
I always liked Cashmere wright from Cincinnati
Cashmere Wright had made the original top 25, but got bumped to 26 for Shayok Shayok..
I like Cashmere Wright and what about ya boy Sir'Dominic Pointer from St. Johns! To me, him and God's Gift have got to be 1A and 1B!
Great list tho!
HUMPTY HITCHENS ON JAMES MADISON
Where is Yemi Makanjuola from Tennessee
Dude, Nimrod was a Mighty Hunter in the bible!
You'll be hearing his name in the coming years because of his game too!
Isn't there a Metta Worldpeace?
Metta World Peace plays for the Lakers. This is a college list, Patrik.
Nimrod is an awesome name and an awesome young man…..he will be rocking the basketball world….keep watching!!!!!!!!!!!!
Indiana Faithful plays for Wofford