Starting today and assuredly continuing for the next three weeks, you’ll want to punch out some of your officemates. And it’ll have nothing to do with their poor performance at work. It happens, it’s NCAA Tournament time. Everyone is a genius and re-born yesterday as Nostradamus. Violence doesn’t belong in the workplace, but it hand-to-hand combat might just necessary. And you’d be justified using it on any of these guys…
1. THE “MONDAY MORNING ‘WHO’S IN YOUR FINAL FOUR?’ GUY” – I’m not Dick Vitale or Jay Bilas. I didn’t have my Final Four picked as the selection show was ending. And, I have no interest in sharing my ingeniousness with you before you make your picks.
2. THE GUY WHO SUBMITS FIVE BRACKETS – When you fill out enough brackets to have nearly every scenario down, you just took the fun out of everything. If you don’t see a return on your investment, you’re a huge sucker. But, if you do get cash back, I’m not going to give you credit anyway. You’re the Yankees of your pool. Fill out two brackets, maximum, any more than that and I’m rooting against you – hard.
3. THE ALMA MATER TO THE FINAL FOUR GUY – NO MATTER WHAT – Actually nevermind, I’m perfectly fine with Joe from Accounting picking Valparaiso to crash the Final Four.
4. MR. CHALK — Every day for lunch, this guy brings a turkey sandwich with perfectly placed cheese and lettuce, an apple and 17 SunChips and is deathly afraid to change it up. All 1′s vs. 2′s in the Elite Eight. All 1′s in the Final Four. Louisville over Indiana in the Championship.
5. THE TRASH TALKER – According to this tool, all of your picks are wrong. And that may be, but you don’t need his big stupid face reminding you.
6. THE GUY WHO RECAPS WHY HE PICKED THE 14-SEED TO UPSET THE 3-SEED, AFTER IT HAPPENS – “With Nobody University’s pressure defense, it was obvious that All-America U. would turn it over 18 times. I knew Nobody U. would want it more.” Ok Digger Phelps. It’s one game worth one point. We don’t need your five-minute recap hogwash.
7. THE “MY BRACKET IS DEAD!” GUY – This guy will feel the need to declare his bracket dead multiple times over the next few weeks. Every time he loses a Sweet 16 team, yep, done. Thanks for the announcement, dude, but nobody cares.
8. THE “I’M WINNING MY OTHER POOL.” GUY – He’s tied for 30th in your office pool, but he’s about to win a grand in his “other pool” because he his Elite Eight is still intact. Yeah, right.
9. YOUR BOSS – He knows nothing about college basketball, but $20 is well worth his time to act interested while snooping to see how much work you aren’t doing.
10. THE CHICK WHO FINISHES IN THE MONEY — Somehow some way, the receptionist will find her way in the money picking based on school colors and places she’d rather vacation.
Who’d we miss? What other people in your office are driving you nuts over the tourney? Before you go punching out Bobby Bracket, remember that unemployment doesn’t pay very well.